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Friday, January 9, 2009

Friday Funnies...

It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.
~~~~~Lucille Ball


It's been a very long week for me. I have this feeling it's going to be a much shorter weekend. My Hunny Bunnies and Booger Butts are in residence. With all the new toys they received for Christmas, I'm sure that they will be in a frenzy to break them all in. In fact, they've gotten a good head start on it already. Toys and games are strewn all over the living room, as well as the entire basement. Ahh well...They are only little for a short time.

My week wasn't helped by the fact that this contraption was diagnosed as having a virus infection. A really bad one. Thankfully, I was able to find someone with more computer savvy than I. And since he made house calls, I didn't have to untangle the multitude of pesky cords hidden behind my desk. Even though we downloaded my most important files prior to the eradication of said virus, I still lost some of my files and bookmarks. That hurt! Some of those lost were the sites I had recently found in my erstwhile search for new voices. Tickled pink I am that my most favorite voices are linked on the right.

Oops, I had laid down with the babies to get them to sleep. Guess who else was visited by the Sandman? 3 hours later I wake from an uncomfortable position at the foot of the bed. Reckon I should change this to Saturday Silliness, but tis not important. So I'll leave you with a few little bits of humor taken from my archives of "Jokes of the Day".




My Three Sons...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
~~~~~

Brave Captain Smith...

One fine day, Brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue. Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull & crossbones raised on the mast.

The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do. Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said "Bring me my red shirt."

The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship. In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.

The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle.

He responded "If I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me."

The crew had a new found admiration for its captain, and the crew talked all night about his bravery. About a week later, there loomed on the horizon TEN pirate ships.

Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership. Calmly, Captain Smith said "Bring me my brown pants."
~~~~~


I'm A Believer...

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.

Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive..."






And so it goes......

2 comments:

Tina said...

LMAO!!!!!!

Ky Woman said...

Hmmm, now how did I know that you would get a giggle out of these? Giggles is good!