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Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday Funnies...

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day.
~~~~~Author Unknown



Too much going on in my little world that contributes to the discombobulated feeling I've had for the last few days. The 'blahs' have hit me with what feels like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. I'm hoping that a few laughs will revive the gray matter, and a little lightening of the weight pressing down. I did say "hoping", didn't I?



Monastery of Silence

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.

The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 2 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 2 years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 2 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 10th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."
~~~~~

Eve's side of the Story

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God" she replied. "The sunrises and the sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..." "It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balance'.

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breast, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden the Eden.

"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone..."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see... where did I put that useless tit?"

Now, doesn't THAT make more sense than that story about the rib?
~~~~~

Life....According to Maxine

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called...
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen- just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment... for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, May the splinters never point the wrong way.




And so it goes......

1 comment:

Fire Fox said...

Those were great! Thank you!!