Friday Funnies...

The legions of reporters who cover politics don't want to quit the clash and thunder of electoral combat for the dry duty of analyzing the federal budget. As a consequence, we have created the perpetual presidential campaign.
~~~~~Hugh Sidey


One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress. ­

Vote carefully this year.
~~~~~

Nana's Nursing Home...

A wealthy family took their frail, elderly grandmother to a famous and expensive nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses luxuriously bathed her- fed her a tasty breakfast cooked by a famous chef, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side.

The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.

Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
"So Grandma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replied.

"Except they won't let me fart."
~~~~~

Friends vs. Southern Friends
(for all my Southern Friends whether they live in the North or South!! Love ya!)

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home !'

FRIENDS: Will visit you in jail .
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend the night in jail with you.

FRIENDS: Will visit you in the hospital when you're sick.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will cut your grass and clean your house then come spend the night with you in the hospital and cook for you when you come home.

FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Have your number memorized.

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Are for life.





And so it goes......