Friday Funnies...

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
~~~~~Mark Twain



Ack!! It's been a long time since I've posted a few Friday Funnies. Life is sorta busy right now. But really, would we want it any other way? Nahhh, probably not.

So...without any further commentary from the nut gallery, Teh funnies.

Holy Prostitutes'

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a
stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black
habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is
soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man,
'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door...
This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden
door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door
pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!!!

~~~~~
My Dog...



I went down this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare". So I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is. He expects me to feed him, provide him with housing and medical care, and feel guilty because he is a dog.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dog gets his first check Friday.

Damn is this a great country or what?
~~~~~

The Laws of Another Type...

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
~~~~~


And so it goes......