Friday, May 30, 2008

Late Edition of Friday Funnies...

Dear Lord, Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am, and keep ever burning before my vagrant steps the kindly light of hope...
And though I come not within sight of the castle of my dreams, teach me to be thankful for life, and for time's olden memories that are good and sweet.
And may the evening's twilight find me gentle still.
~~~~~Irish Blessing

I've been forced to take a day of leisure. My spirit was willing but the body protested just a tad bit much. It was one of those bone achy, scratchy throat, hard to swallow, nothing tastes right type of days. I did try to make a doctor's appointment to no avail. Call back in the morning... Yup, I plan on it. But it sure messes up my day when I can't enjoy drinking my morning coffee.

Trying to alleviate my boredom, I've read several books. I surely wish I had not left "House to House" by David Bellavia on the plane to Daytona. "The Blog of War" by Matthew Burden will be devoured a second time. Heck, I might even do more searching for those undiscovered milblogs...

Now I'd like to leave you with a wee bit of laughter...always good medicine for the soul.

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had?
So, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.
I told her oh no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish setter's butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
"Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story.... Don't mess with old farts...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

And so it goes......

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