Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Funnies...

Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour.
~~~~~Arthur Schopenhauer

Only in America......
do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of
the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......
do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......
do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......
do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......
do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ......
do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......
do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouthclosed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Have a Good Day

A Florida senior citizen drive his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing" I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper . . .. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

And so it goes......


Tina said...

well I am just reading hese today and of course they made melaugh out loud.

Tina said...

well I am just reading hese today and of course they made melaugh out loud.

Tina said...

oops double post now i'll add something...I got a nice email back from my "adopted soldier". He was so kind.

Fire Fox said...

BWAAHAAHAA! Love the trooper joke! Thanks for the laughs!

Ky Woman said...

It's always good when you hear from your adoptee. It really makes what you do extra special. Smiling just thinking of your laughter...

I wondered if I could use that excuse? I should have used it the other day when I got stopped for being uhh, slightly over the speed limit. Can I help it if I was born with a lead foot? For whatever reason, I was 'given' a warning only....whewwwww.

Smiles and hugs along with the laughter...